Yoga as union

 

I'm flying to San Diego to celebrate the union of two people that hold a special place in my heart and who have taught me about love, persistence, vulnerability, and gratitude. I'm happy to be able to celebrate with them. I'm happy that yoga (union) is what brought them together. 

We practice Mysore style yoga. Ashtanga yoga. 

I realize that it is practice. I'm probably going to get it wrong. I'm probably going to fail multiple times. I'm going to get some things right. I'm probably going to gloat. I'm going to berate myself about it later. It's ok. 

Aside from upgraded air travel to studios, or the early morning CTA train rides with the homeless, drunks, and minimum wage employees, yoga has taken me places. 

This union has given me back myself. 14y Morgan. The boy who wanted to climb trees, open coconuts, run barefoot through the streets, surf (drowning in waves with a board tied to my ankle) collect sea urchins lobsters and conch at low tide. 

I purposefully left that guy behind years ago. The negative 'self image' drowned in; physical abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, punishing myself because I was unhappy. 

I've reflected (still am) on this dark behavior. Taking back this guy. This union, this yoga, it reminds me that this little guy is still here and deserves to play sometimes. Not all the time, but he shouldn't be silenced or ignored. I've come to realize that I AM the guy, the man, the person, that 14y old Morgan wanted to be and why shouldn't he be allowed to play in the skin he didn't have a chance to back then because I was shooting him down all the time with negative talk. 

I'm a terrible person. 

That's probably ok. It's practice. 

I'm learning. I'm learning what crack smells like on the train at 05:00 on the way to practice. I'm learning about customs, culture, respect, tradition, patience, persistence, love.

I'm learning to be comfortable in my own skin and my body dis morphia. 

I'm practicing moving away from consumption of things. 

I'm learning how to travel. 

I'm practicing collecting memories, collecting moments. I'm practicing letting them go and forgetting them. It is far easier to be less attached to memories than objects. 

I've gained my life from practicing yoga. I'm grateful to my abundance of friends, the love of family and girlfriend, the abundance of memories. I'm grateful to the practice. I'm grateful to be flying to San Diego to celebrate union. 

image.jpg